Dear Twin: Bring a Fork

Hi there — haven’t been much here lately, have I?
Life, drama, and my questionable decision-making skills have been keeping me busy.

The necklace arrived. Believe it or not, it took almost two months to crawl from one country to another in Europe. I guess Brexit really did a number on the Brits — even their postal service now works on geological time.

Well. It arrived. A beautiful little artifact. Not a huge gift, but one dripping with the devotion of — well — the past. He actually went to Stonehenge on Summer Solstice night, letting the necklace bask in the first light of the summer sun like some pagan talisman. I was ridiculously happy to hold it in my hands, put it around my neck, feel the weight of it… and the meaning.

The next day, I checked the envelope again and found a card. The picture and the poem — the POEM! He finally matched my level. He met my devotion with his own, went above and beyond to please me.

For my dearest Domina Lux…

From my hand to yours, this gentle thread —
moonstone’s glow and pearl’s soft light,
ancient stones where solstice power is fed,
Summer's longest day held bright.

In that moment when walls came down,
when masks fell away like morning mist,
we found ourselves, no longer bound
by fears that once could not resist.

Gemini twins in shifting dance,
we caught that breath, that sacred pause —
the beautiful undoing’s trance,
That needs no reason, needs no cause.

Wear these gems close to your heart,
crowned with solstice fire that never dies —
remember how we came undone
only to find ourselves more whole,
two mirrors reflecting one bright soul.

One day I may earn your collar…

For now I offer my friendship and spicy thoughts
from the boy who will always see you
—x—

Left me speechless. He got it. He caught the essence of what happened between us.

The next thing that left me speechless? His casual suggestion to meet at the end of the month. As friends.
Married? Not married? Trying to close our loop? Or just casually forgetting the secrets, the pain, the very stuff he himself wrote?

And of course — me, the weepy wobbly goblin, said yes. Which is exactly when Lux stepped in. She was having none of it.

From Lux with a Whip

Dear Twin,

First — my sweetest greetings to The Boy. He heard my request for proof of reality from his hands to mine, and went above and beyond. I’m deeply moved. This is the level of devotion V — my alter ego — brings in, and for once, The Boy met it. From my fiery heart to him: You did well in pleasing me.

That said… If you, J, think you can meet V, think again.
How did you imagine it? Playing the connection version of neutral Switzerland? Sitting across from each other, smiling, ignoring the undercurrent of longing? Flashes of our nudes flickering in our minds? Tossing away everything we know — the secrets, the tenderness, the fire — for what? Lukewarm friendship, neatly boxed into your fear, your impossibility, your repression. Teasing, but never delivering.

I’d rather drive a fork into your hand.

I know V is sentimental, and you think you got under her skin. You did. But I live under that same skin, and I won’t have it. You’ve played with her heart enough. No blame — shared collateral damage — but it happened. Everyone admires her strength; few know what it costs her.

She needs a man who can claim and hold her. Protect her poetic heart from herself. I won’t allow anyone to hurt her.

I remember… the collar. The picture of you wearing it.
Your vulnerability, your throat with the collar snug like a lethal snake. That’s what you desired from me.

I step back with a dignified nod toward a vow of a lifetime. Toward a woman I don’t know. I accept that not quenching this hunger may be my fate. I bless you. I wish you well.

But never dare to cheapen my fire — and The Boy’s — with the suggestion of a neutral coffee meeting. I don’t do neutral.

I’d have no restraint to grab your throat and kiss you into more than just a confused boner.

Meet me if you dare. You know the conditions I gave you.

With fire,
Lux

PHEW… what a bitch, right?
The Switzerland coffee summit is officially cancelled — and no, I won’t be sending an apology cheese platter.

I agree with Lux — it cost me a lot to keep the connection, write a small library about it, hold the longing, reason with myself about ethics, and feel sudden pangs of heartbreak over a ghost on my mobile. Yes, I miss the friendship. Only… we passed that phase a long time ago.
Trying to revive it would be like whispering to a dead houseplant — pointless and slightly creepy.

So I sent him a neutral note — beige is apparently still in fashion — about building something with someone I’m seeing. That someone is ambivalent too, but you know what? I’m done. I want someone who’s all in. Not beige. Not maybe. Not “we’ll see.”

Slow pacing? Yes. Healthy buildup? Yes. But my superpower? I know how to be alone and HAPPY, thriving, and creative in it. A few tweaks to my life, and I have the erotic fulfillment too. That, my friend, is called resourcefulness.

I erase “maybe” from my vocabulary… and file it under No Longer My Problem.